Can You Relate?

Confidence is such a strange thing. At times I have loads of it. I do things I have never done before and am able to “put myself out there.” I muster up my best self and recognize that I’m smart, creative, thoughtful - all the good things.

And then there are the other times when I walk around with the who do you think you are attitude.  Megan Jo Wilson wrote a great book called Who the F#ck Am I to Be a Coach? I love the title and believe we could replace the word coach with almost anything we do. I know I am not alone. Most of us, at some time or another, have the feeling of ooh I might be found out that it’s just me behind this computer or with this idea or whatever story I’m telling myself.

For me, there is one particular voice that I often hear and feel judged by. She has no idea how often I think of her. But every time I am wanting to step out of my comfort zone, there she is in my head asking me that question – “who do you think you are?” What I should really be asking, however, is Who are you?  What makes you so special? When was the last time you did something uncomfortable?

The things I am most proud of came as a result of finding a way to tell that voice to be quiet. The best most exciting things in life often do come when we will ourselves to get uncomfortable, to try something new, to put our ideas out there, to stand for an unpopular idea.

The brilliant, Brene Brown, refers to the Theodore Roosevelt quote in her book Daring Greatly:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Of course, I know some of those timid souls Roosevelt refers to. But are they really the ones keeping me down? Sometimes for sure.

But more often than not, I believe that the voice that I keep hearing – the one who judges me – is just me. Yes, I can picture her and Yes, she has a name, but I think I use her as a crutch.  I find that It’s easier to place the “blame” on someone else for keeping me down. Coming to terms with the idea that it’s my own insecurities voicing doubt and I’m the only one holding me back, well that’s much harder to swallow.

So, what to do?

For me, just noticing the voice is the first step. From there I am able to recognize I have a choice - I get to control which voice I listen to. I often visualize a stereo and picture myself turning down the volume on the judgy voice and turning my confident voice way up. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but it is a start.

So…  If you were to turn down the volume on the Judge and turn up the volume on your Best voice, what would be different? What new things would you try? What would be possible?